WTF man! The last year has been like a really bad movie for America, and I have been feverishly searching for answers. Who would’ve known that the answer to my questions were imbedded in the very first sentence I wrote ("...like a really bad movie..."). I have found so many movies that represent our society, all conveniently hidden right here on my Amazon Fire Stick. Journey with me:
Timecop with Jean Claud Van Damme is up first. If you haven’t seen this flick then first, fuck you for being under 30 years old and two; congrats on paying attention to movie ratings. In this 90’s shit-brisket of a movie time travel is invented and people go back to exploit the past with knowledge from the future; strictly for fortune of course. Is that not exactly what’s going on in our country today? Folks seem to be using the fears and phobias of the past in order to gain advantage today. Yeah, I blame the exploiters but not nearly as much as the exploited. How do you not see that your ideals of yesteryear are as antiquated as a musket to an Uzi? Come on America, this game was run on you before!
Ever see the original Aliens movie? Todays so-called aliens (Mexicans) also have a mouth inside of a mouth designed to plunge through your skull. They are looking to incubate their babies inside your chest cavity (country). They do not speak like you and you will be burned by their blood. Not really you racists! Actually, it was a movie about mankind venturing into space (transatlantic voyage to America) fucking with aliens (American Indians) and taking their shit. Then we demonize them just for being different. Bonus: The hero Sigourney Weaver (Trump) both have very unique hairdos.
Ever see Do The Right Thing? This Spike Lee Joint is better watched smoking a joint because it makes me really mad! It’s a story about racial tensions in Brooklyn set in the late 80’s. Please tell me that the whole BLM movement is not captured in this movie. IT’S ALMOST A 20 YEAR OLD FUCKING MOVIE PEOPLE! I would make every new police recruit watch the scene in which Radio Raheem gets choked out by 5-0. Wait, is Raheem a Muslim name? Deep shit folks. Deep shit.
What about A Christmas Story? Harmless right? Wrong. Ralphie’s parents represent folks trying to take away our precious Second Amendment rights. How? I don’t know but think about it. Something’s there. In the end he finally gets his gun and shoots his fucking eye out. There has got to be a message in there somewhere.
Adventures In Babysitting. Plain and simple, this is a story about abortion and the struggles a fetus must endure to make it into this world (the next day). Crazy super weird bonus: Vincent D'Onofrio plays the guy that the girl thinks is Thor. He also played Bruce Banner (The Hulk) in The Avengers. Oh wait, he just looks like that guy. He's actually the bug bad-guy from Men in Black, and we all know that all roaches definitely need to be aborted. BAM!
Coming to America. Eddie Murphy plays the real-life version of the Nigerian prince that was sending out those emails years ago. Him and his buddy experience firsthand what immigration bureaucracy looks like in this country. Either work at McDowell's, marry a thirsty chick from Queens and live in the ghetto, or GTFO of my country...Or be Russian model.
Titanic. Based on the title, I first thought that this was a biography about my brief stint in adult porn, but I was wrong. It's a story about global warming. This is a film is about the future and that iceberg represent the former European country of Iceland. The ship represents an oil rig. The Captain, a special interest lobbyist, and Dicaprio represents a squeezed douche applicator.
Fire Stick indeed.