Learning From Better Teams

[Mr. Glass]

[Fake Disclaimer]: I was first diagnosed with Basketball Turrets as a young man. BT is a condition that affects 6 in 10 Knick fans, and was first discovered shortly after 1973. Symptoms include - flashbacks to glimpses of when the team was relevant, random cussing toward inanimate objects, babbling rants about unplanned ideas, extreme cussing, smoke-a-thons, sensitivity to success, fits of rage, isolation...and runny nose.

I have been taking 6 mg of Latvia daily; a drug used to mask the most common symptoms. Ask your drug dealer if Latvia is right for you.

Okay, so this will not be a post about what the Knicks can learn from a team like say, the Golden State Warriors. Why in the CHEESY GRITS FUCK would I waste your time with that? Instead, I'm trying to draw parity between us and teams closer to our rancidness. Squads that have recently crawled out from the ocean and formed into something resembling a playoff ameba with feet.

Remember when we were about as good as Boston? CORN COB DILDOS! Sure you do but that was a while ago. Remember kicking dirt on the 76ers and their brilliant rebuilding plans? What about the Wizards? Teams like these have provided a blueprint of what to do and what not to do during a rebuild.

Lesson 1 - When stacking trade assets there needs to be a balance. The 76ers had like 2 guards and 10 forwards at one point. These guys must have felt like passengers on the Amistad. GRAPE NUTS AND CAR BATTERIES, Sorry! You have to keep assets fresh or their value will drop. Playing time at a crowded position can cause problems. We seem to be stacking guards these days. Need to play it smart.

Lesson 2 - Going to the lottery each year makes your team more and more irrelevant. Can this happen in NYC and the Garden still be full? Economics play a major part in these decisions and D-League games won't cut the mustard for me...COCK SOUP WITH HERPES! Nationally televised games will drop off, highlights and media buzz too. Players lose motivation and FAs laugh. CARNE ASADA I need my meds.

Lesson 3 - Pull the trigger. Who knows that sweet-spot moment when the kids are ready to run with the big boys? When do you spend the money on that difference-making FA to bring it all together? The Wizards had a nice backcourt and nothing more for years. I watched that team suck ass until they injected some talent to help Beal and Wall.

Let's say that KP, The French Tickler, Damyean Nissan and Spanish Ben Affleck become a decent nucleus. You STILL need to win games in rebuilding mode, especially in the East. ...bbBBED SHEETS!!! My advice is to keep Melo on the payroll. He broke this team of its young talent in order to be traded here, so now he must waste away playing with the dookie kids. After his contract is done, bring in the same type of guy - a hired gun. A veteran who can teach yet still win a game or two here and there.

Ah summertime. Summer, summer, sum...WILL SMITH TOUCHED MY BOLOGNA SAMMICH!